This is Not the Mat I’m Looking For

As I mentioned very briefly on Twitter a bit earlier, “…someone’s gonna get their ass BEAT. Like, stereotypical-ghetto-with-a-shoe.” Everyone remembers my post from last week about my Anti-Vampire Door Mat, correct? Well, this morning (I say morning, but it was really only about an hour ago; I’m lazy on Saturdays) I go out to pick up my new glasses to find this:

Please note that this is not the mat that went missing last week. This is the mat that went missing, and I am not amused by the poor imitation left on my stoop as a taunting reminder of what I have lost to such petty thievery. Now I must determine if the original theft was carried out by members of the MNC, or if only the false replacement was their version of a joke, or both, or neither. I still suspect certain co-workers in the incident, although to my knowledge the “leave” tag taped to the new mat does not match any of their handwriting. Perhaps I should actually issue such a challenge to all visitors from this time forward, to attempt to discover the culprit?

At least in the meantime I should be protected from vampires again. Small victories, even in the midst of all this loss. ^_~

A Follow Up: By Invitation Only

You may or may not have read my post from last summer regarding my horribly-witty door mat and vampire repulsion device. If you haven’t read it yet, or need to refresh your memory, please do so before continuing. Once you are familiar with my ingenious plot to ward vampires from my home, you may continue.

Now then, fast forward to this week. Saturday we had our usual game of Galactica, complete with Cylon domination of the human race, and it was good times. The players were as follows:

  • Myself – Cylon, playing Ellen
  • Dave – Human, playing Chief
  • Danny – Human, playing Cain
  • Derek – Cylon Leader, playing Cavil
  • Ben – Human, playing Zarek, then Lee, then Adama (yes, we executed him twice!)
  • Diana – Cylon, playing Dee
  • Russell – Human, playing Starbuck

Diana and Russell were both playing their first games with us and of BSG in general, and Diana especially did well–Cylon in her first game, and though she was found out before the sleeper phase she played well and contributed nicely to the Cylon victory. Unfortunately, that’s not the point, although perhaps the human/Cylon division among players contributed to the current crisis:
My anti-vampire door mat is missing.

Saturday when the pizza was delivered the mat was outside my door as usual, and this morning it was missing. We didn’t leave the house all day yesterday, so I don’t know if it was gone then as well, or not. I was compelled this morning to send out the following email:

I noticed this morning when leaving for work that my anti-vampire doormat has gone missing. While doormats themselves are relatively inexpensive, I took a great deal of comfort knowing that my doormat left no ambiguity regarding the welcome–or lack thereof–of the living dead in my home. If anyone has seen the missing doormat, its return would be most appreciated. If anyone has it, know that you will be airlocked at first sight once discovered. In the meantime, all visitors must submit to mandatory garlic & holy water screenings, and may only come over prior to nightfall.

That is all.

Ben moved immediately to accuse Danny of the theft, who has retaliated by claiming entrapment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to determine what measures I should take to protect my home now that my mat is gone. To my knowledge, the mat itself is discontinued, so a replacement may or may not be an option.

The question is: What is your favorite vampire repulsion devices or methods? Any suggestions I can get to safe guard my newly-vulnerable home?