A Follow Up: By Invitation Only

You may or may not have read my post from last summer regarding my horribly-witty door mat and vampire repulsion device. If you haven’t read it yet, or need to refresh your memory, please do so before continuing. Once you are familiar with my ingenious plot to ward vampires from my home, you may continue.

Now then, fast forward to this week. Saturday we had our usual game of Galactica, complete with Cylon domination of the human race, and it was good times. The players were as follows:

  • Myself – Cylon, playing Ellen
  • Dave – Human, playing Chief
  • Danny – Human, playing Cain
  • Derek – Cylon Leader, playing Cavil
  • Ben – Human, playing Zarek, then Lee, then Adama (yes, we executed him twice!)
  • Diana – Cylon, playing Dee
  • Russell – Human, playing Starbuck

Diana and Russell were both playing their first games with us and of BSG in general, and Diana especially did well–Cylon in her first game, and though she was found out before the sleeper phase she played well and contributed nicely to the Cylon victory. Unfortunately, that’s not the point, although perhaps the human/Cylon division among players contributed to the current crisis:
My anti-vampire door mat is missing.

Saturday when the pizza was delivered the mat was outside my door as usual, and this morning it was missing. We didn’t leave the house all day yesterday, so I don’t know if it was gone then as well, or not. I was compelled this morning to send out the following email:

I noticed this morning when leaving for work that my anti-vampire doormat has gone missing. While doormats themselves are relatively inexpensive, I took a great deal of comfort knowing that my doormat left no ambiguity regarding the welcome–or lack thereof–of the living dead in my home. If anyone has seen the missing doormat, its return would be most appreciated. If anyone has it, know that you will be airlocked at first sight once discovered. In the meantime, all visitors must submit to mandatory garlic & holy water screenings, and may only come over prior to nightfall.

That is all.

Ben moved immediately to accuse Danny of the theft, who has retaliated by claiming entrapment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to determine what measures I should take to protect my home now that my mat is gone. To my knowledge, the mat itself is discontinued, so a replacement may or may not be an option.

The question is: What is your favorite vampire repulsion devices or methods? Any suggestions I can get to safe guard my newly-vulnerable home?


By Invitation Only

Okay, so I’ve got this door mat that quite plainly says LEAVE. I got it because I thought it was oh-so-witty when I found it at Bed Bath and Beyond and have joked since that it’s part of my vampire protection plan, because if my mat said WELCOME it could potentially be misconstrued as an invitation. The mat itself can be seen at this post on someone else’s blog found via a Google search.

Well, a friend that doesn’t normally hang out had come over last weekend, and I was trying to explain the mat to this person, who seemed completely confused–possibly even thinking I was crazy for considering the vampire threat in Savannah to be so serious. So it got me thinking: if I’m wrong, I’m obviously erring on the side of caution, which there really isn’t anything wrong with. But how specific does an invitation have to be to for a vampire to be allowed entry? Google searches on this topic mostly bring up answers and examples from the Buffyverse, but not entirely. Here’s some of what I found:

From http://www.fluther.com/disc/39640/vampires-can-only-enter-if-you-invite-them-in-does-a/

Weird thoughts I have while driving, but I was thinking that if someone has a
mat at their front door that says welcome that just might possibly count as an
invitation to enter, right? 😉

So obviously, I’m not the first to think of this potential problem. Moving forward, from http://vampires.monstrous.com/invitation.htm

Vampires also have a mystical aversion to entering any human dwelling place
which they have not been verbally invited. Once invited, they may enter the
place anytime thereafter.
“He may not enter anywhere at first, unless there
be some member of the household to bid him to come; though afterwards he can
come as he pleases.” – Professor Van Helsing in Mina Harker’s Journal, Chapter
XVIII of Dracula by Bram Stoker

So according to this, the mat would not qualify as a threat to the humans living within a home, should a thirsty vampire happen to be lurking outside. The part about if a member of the house “bid[s] him to come” bothers me, though, because in this case a written invitation can still be a threat, but at least it would need to be addressed to the individual vampire to begin with. All that one must be worried about here is not knowing that the person invited by letter/etc is a vampire, because as we finally come to the Buffyverse evidence, it has been established that the inviter does not need to know that the invitee is a member of the walking dead. Considering there are 12 years’ combined precedent in the Buffyverse (7 for BtVS and 5 for Angel) the lore here is a bit too expansive for this post, but a good summary can be found here. (That last link has a lot of other Buffyverse vamp lore, but I skipped down to the invitation-specific information for brevity.)

Regardless of whether my mat is helping to protect me or not, depending on which mythos you follow, I feel its better safe than sorry in the long run. When my neighbors come down with a slight case of dead and I’m still nice and alive, we’ll know who the smart one was as far as door mats are concerned.