State of the Brenna, New Year 2019

It’s almost 5:30am Eastern time, so now I can say this and have it up to date for any of you who may be reading:

2018 Sucked. Hard. I went into the year angry–not with my life, I suppose,* but with the universe. Cause you know what? The universe has fucked a lot of shit up lately. In spite of the universe’s cosmic-level fails, though, I managed to drag, walk, and eventually breeze through a lot of it.
*There wasn’t no anger with my life coming into the year, but there was a hell of a lot of unhappiness. 2017 had been a very, very difficult year. 

Anyway! We’ve made it through 2018. Here are some highlights, I suppose:

  • I lost my job–three days before my birthday. I worked at the apartment complex for 12 years, and for many of the final years it had become a very unhealthy environment. Losing my job was the only way out, though; while there, I could apply for other jobs all I wanted but couldn’t ever actually leave thanks to my apartment being directly tied to the job. Being let go gracefully meant I could transition without having a complete breakdown publicly or privately. And we had an emergency backup that wasn’t available for voluntarily quitting, so we weren’t completely alone like we could have been.
  • My bipolar improved. No one’s ever completely well, but thanks to getting out of that office, I’m a thousand times better. That’s how unhealthy I’d let the apartments become; losing my job boosted my health in a way I couldn’t imagine before. I’ve had lesser swings and phases, but no full mania or severe depression.
  • I finally got my new job, and it’s wonderful. On the surface, it probably looks like boring desk work… but it’s not. Not for me, at least. Cause yeah, I’m at a desk, but my mind is busy the whole time, I work with people I like and am friendly with, and it’s an introvert’s dream: almost all communication outside of the office is by email. Seriously, my phone’s rung maybe a dozen times in seven-ish months. It’s. A. Dream. It’s the healthy environment I needed so much
  • I lost over 20 pounds. …And still counting, too. The first 5-7 lost were a bad situation–a new medicine I started literally has “anorexia” as a possible side effect for early in treatment, and it hit me hard. I couldn’t eat when I tried, so I stopped trying for a while. I gained most of that back (at least the first five pounds), though, so even treating that first loss as a fluke I broke the 20 pound mark on Christmas Eve. I’m almost to a size 10, which is my actual goal instead of total pounds lost. Once I get there and maintain it for a while, I’ll decide if I can work my way down to an 8 and still be healthy. Oh, and since I did it killing myself in the gym, I’m actually stronger now, too, not just skinnier. (Okay, not really that intense, but intense enough that I have visible definition in a few places, and my calves are amazing.)

So yeah, that was 2018 for me. The positive outweighs the negative by a long shot for a change. The year would have been even better if the world wasn’t imploding, but here’s to hoping that gets better as we continue along.

So! 2019. I don’t see any major changes personally or professionally for my life this year. Incremental improvements, sure, but nothing massive. And I don’t do resolutions, so there’s nothing like that to stress over. I mean, props to people who are motivated by resolutions and can keep them, but to me it’s just something to overwhelm people and eventually scare them away from what they wanted to do in the first place.

Just because I don’t do resolutions, though, doesn’t mean I don’t have want-to-do-s most years. For the last few years I’ve wanted to do the New Year Dragon Age Re-Everything. That hasn’t successfully happened yet, but when we get closer to The Dread Wolf Rises and hype rises again, I’ll give it another shot.

This year I was considering doing a thing I did in… 2011? 2012? where I flat out Did. Not. Play. any game I’d finished before. (I think I did it that year to fight off Dragon Age burnout then, too, but I don’t remember 100%.) And it was a great way to change things up. And I have a ton of games I could play instead even without counting my Steam library. The problem with repeating that for 2019 is that I just started replays of Skyrim, Stardew Valley, and Chrono Trigger. What I’ll do instead is finish these replays, mix in newer games (Let’s GO Eevee I’ve already started, and I’ve had I Am Setsuna saved for later for years) as I go. It’s not a pure go at New Games Only, but it’s better than nothing… right?